CharmaineTwq's

And I lived; naive and so young.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

Arrivederci.

It's been almost 4 years since I've joined this CCA. I'm almost 16. So technically, I've spent 1/4 of my life(as of now) in this CCA. 4 years isn't too long a journey, neither is it ~~short~~. Back in 2010, when the results of CCA entry was released, I couldn't be bothered. I was so sure that I'd get into my first choice (Math club - Robotics) due to my CCA background in Primary School. As I was eating in the canteen, my friend suddenly came running to me telling me that I got into a uniform group-NCDCC. I cursed, immediately. I really didn't expect myself to NOT get into my first choice, not to mention getting into my last choice. I was really pissed off. I didn't go for any audition/try outs because I was soooo confident about getting into Math Club(never ever be complacent people). Then I wanted to appeal out of that CCA using asthma & eczema as my reasons. However, when I went for my first CCA session, I change my mind. Maybe it was all the games and ice-breaking activities that changed my mind. Then I began to like this CCA, I felt that the uniform is soooo cool. I remembered the first time I wore the uniform, I was so excited I changed into it 1 hour prior to the start of CCA, along with Xinxuan, Nailah and Faraisha......
I'm not that kind of person that would stick to one obsession for long, so, eventually I got sick of getting scolded by the seniors, getting pumped, ironing my uniform, polishing my boots (ps I used to use instant polish) bla bla, so I started ~~skipping~~ my CCA. The thing I hate more would be hearing them say "WAKE UP YOUR IDEAS." it's so freaking stupid I swear. To be honest, around the beginning of year 2, I felt lonely & left out in the CCA, and I hate feeling that way. So I hated attending CCA. I'd try my best to skip the sessions. Towards the end of year 2, the seniors started choosing the new batch of SNCO to take over the CCA. I really hoped that I could be chosen, I don't even know why I feel this way, because I know ~~I don't deserve it at all~~. And when the results came out, I felt disappointed, but seriously? Who am I to feel that way?! LMAO. Seeing the SNCOs from my batch going everything makes me feel useless. I didn't want to attend CCA in year 3 partially because there isn't much I can do there but mostly because my whole of 2012 is kinda fucked up and it's the worst year in my entire life so far. Not to mention CCA, I hardly even attended school at the beginning of 2012. I was at the lowest point in my life. I wished they can understand, but really, it's so freaking ridiculous. Everybody has their own troubles and shit, and they still went for it, so, that wasn't really a valid excuse. I don't usually cry but I remembering crying in the den last year because I was late and I didn't make it for the NCDCC parade. It's my second last one already. I was really sad okay. And I had bio test that day, I screwed everything up, really badly.

By 2013, year 4, I realized that I don't have many days left in the CCA. I began making an effort to attend CCA. I AM 100001% sure that I only didn't attend 3 sessions of CCA this year. The first was because I had to bring my Grandma to the doctor, the second was because of my dental appointment, the third was last week because I was sick(for real) and didn't even attend school. And I even began wearing my full-uniform when we need to!!! I realized that I was being really stupid the year before. Really. I started getting closer and closer to my CCAmates. I started feeling the "family warmth" in this CCA. Really. I began taking a lot of photos of everybody in the CCA, because memories fade, people change, but those would always remain unchanged. I really started feeling attached to everybody from this CCA. That's the reason why I'm started to regret everything.

The night before yesterday, after I've prepared the gifts, I started writing letters. I got very nervous suddenly, I don't know why. Just, very very nervous. I didn't exactly know what to write, what to say, what to do tomorrow, what would I be like the day after tomorrow. Yesterday, we had our passing out parade, our last parade. We the year 4 cadets have officially passed out and graduated from our CCA. I felt sad, very sad. I always thought that I hate my juniors, but yesterday, I felt so so attached to them, I don't even want to leave. All of them suddenly seem so cute and innocent yesterday. Was I blind? Not sure. After our parade, we took a lot of photos (not gonna use the word ~~camwhore~~ because we're not whores. 8D Then we proceed back to the den. The SNCOs were giving the juniors the last debrief while I went into the den and started giving out the presents I've prepared for everybody. I told myself that I'd be strong and I wouldn't cry, mainly because I don't really deserve to(omg I'm being so Kyuhyun here). But the atmosphere was getting from bad to worse, everybody started feeling saaaad. Then I hugged Yuanhan, and Minzhe gave me the chocolate. Then I completely lost it, I started crying. I really didn't expect anything from some people. I was touched, very very touched. I felt the love, the warmth. I'm going to miss every single one of them, especially the cadets from my batch, those that I've spend 4 years with. I'm really really scared that after we step down we won't be as close to each other as before. I don't want that to happen. I want us to remain as friends, family, forever.

Lastly, I just want to apologize to everybody for all the disappointments I've brought through out the 4 years. If I can have second chance I won't be like that, really. And I want to thank you guys for all the fun we've had, the memories we've created together and the presents you gave!! Hope you guys like the gifts I bought, the cake I baked and the cards I wrote. :D And, I love you.

My favorite girls.

My favorite boys and some others I didnt get to take photo with.

My favorite unit-Temasek Rescuers.

130420 - I've officially "graduated" and stepped down from NCDCC"

0 comments