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Sunday, 4 January 2015
When I say I mean everything I say, I mean that I mean things I don't say out of compulse. I really, sincerely, mean it. I'm not that kind that will compliment somebody for the sake of returning them a favor if they compliment me. That's just an example, but I hope you get what I mean. Everything I say, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Just like when I said that I want to have Pasta for breakfast today morning. Don't say things for the sake of saying, it's meaningless then. There are many times, where I see my friends (or maybe close aqua instance?) in trouble, or seeing them emotional, I really really really do feel bad for them and I really want to help, I really want to talk to them, to make them feel better. But, do I matter enough for them to make them feel any better? I doubt so... Which is why I don't do that. Because when I do that last time, I'll get judged and even ignored. I really hope that people don't misunderstand me as some busybody.. I mean, yeah, while I do admit that I get curious sometime, I won't ever pry into somebody's private life if they insist on not wanting me to know anything. I really do care for people around me, even when we're not close to each other.. And I'm quite sure I'm not the only one because everybody is bound to be sympathetic towards the ones around is, it's really just about how much you show it and the way you express it. Honestly, for me, if you're not close to me, you'll prolly either think I'm an insane bitch who smokes weed everyday (I don't) or an emotional wreck who feels like killing herself once every few nights. But really, I'm not like that (or am I?) Lets just say I'm not good at expressing myself okay? And also, most of the time, when you really care for somebody, there isn't a need for you to do things for them to see, you can just do it, for them. Also, another thing, it's about saying things I don't mean. I'm pretty sure everybody does that when they're mad. It's just that, I do it a lot more often than others I guess? I really like showing how I don't really give an extra flying fuck to people around me. But I guess it's not true. I don't know why am I like that. I just really don't wanna give off the impression that I'm easily emotionally affected by people around me I guess. That's just weak. And I guess after going through things that I went through, I've just had enough of those shit. Like what Kaneki said, the only way to survive is to stop being weak. I love Kaneki Ken, Haise Sasaki. |